Well, They Can’t Take Away My Birthday

earth-sky-fireWell, they can’t take away my birthday.

I didn’t get the job. I didn’t get that job, but someday I will get my dream job. But today is a day for celebrating because I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WHEN I GROW UP!

Today is a day for dancing around to inspiring loud music. It’s a day for celebrating, because guess what ladies and gents? I, the emotional architect, know what I want to do for a living.

I’ve never been one to take the word no well. As a kid my dad would say, “watch this, ‘no!'” To which I would roll my eyes and storm off to my bedroom because how dare he tell me no! I am better than that. It should be no for now. I got a no for now. But WATCH ME overcome, WATCH ME take this, WATCH ME get the one! Because that is exactly what I am going to do.

Another thing my dad would say is, go for it (whatever “it” was) go for it, because what’s going to happen? They can’t take away your birthday.

Well, I’ve still got that, and big amount of “WATCH ME.” Because maybe it wasn’t that one, maybe not even the next one, but, as I’ve mentioned, I am destined for greatness. So hold on to your drink, keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times, because I am going for it and you are the fortunate bystander. See what a mother who doubts herself daily, a business owner who hasn’t done an interview for 12 years, a go getter who will never take no for an answer is capable of doing. You better hold onto your hats because this is going to be quite the ride.

Before starting this blog I didn’t even know WordPress existed, yet I taught it to myself, built a blog, and learned how to do the appropriate tagging to boost your page in 8 hours. I created a professional webpage for myself in one day, knowing nothing about web design. That’s just the beginning. So, if you think for one second that I will let this “no” let me down, well then you haven’t been reading, nor have you met me yet.

This is my dream job. Maybe not that one, but what I am going after is, and, rest assured, I will get it. If it takes me a month, a half a year, a year, or more, I will get it. I will rock it,  because I can .

I celebrate today because I know what I want to do. Do you know how lucky I am to have gotten that far?! I celebrate because I put myself out there. I am a mother of one beautiful daughter, my greatest success, I have helped build a business from the ground up and made it successful, I sold more than my competitors when I was an ad executive, I have been in retail for ages and met incredible people and stayed top of my sales class for years. Yet nothing makes me more proud than I am of myself today, because I tried for something else, something outside of my comfort zone. How many mothers think this is it? How many people in a dead end job think this is all there is? This isn’t it. You are better than you give yourself credit for. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go get ’em tiger! You are incredible, you are who they’ve been looking for this whole time, just go tell them why! What’s the worst that can happen? They can’t take away your birthday.

Deception: Perception is Reality

grass-is-always-greener

Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence? Well, I guess that depends on what side of the fence you are standing on. Looking from the outside in, it would seem our peers have it all; the perfect house, life, marriage, job, kids, material items, etc. What we forget to take into consideration is, we live in a social media world, one where deception is reality. Peering into our neighbors’ proverbial “yard” we may see things we wish we had. Now, go next door. Peer into your own yard…what do you see? We are all going through the same struggles, hardships, and accomplishments that got us to where we are today. So why aren’t we talking about it? Wouldn’t it be helpful to know you are not alone? Why don’t we air our dirty laundry, so to speak? Why don’t we talk about the fact that marriage is hard, we struggle financially, kids are hard, relationships end, and friendships are broken? Why does it have to be perfect all the time? What if we were truthful about the difficulties that lead us to who we are today? Because it’s taboo. Social media is only a place to talk about your perfect life, children, marriage, share political rants, and discuss beliefs. How dare you talk about how “real” life can be! I like to call it #reallife So let’s get real, shall we? I’ll start.

My husband and I have been together for 21 years, married for 14. So, naturally they have all been terrific or we wouldn’t still be together, right?! WRONG. We have fought, screamed, cried, all along with laughing, hugging, kissing, and becoming closer than we ever have in our lives. We love hard, and we used to fight hard, until we were taught how to really talk to one another. Back in 2016 we went through the toughest part of our marriage, and had to go to counseling. “Gasp! Is she really talking about counseling?!” You bet I am! Marriage is hard, if you do it right. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t, but both must do their part to fight for one another. #reallife

Becoming a mother has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The first year was tough. I had a cesarian after being induced with Pitocin, a drug I would not recommend to anyone. My daughter’s heart rate was dropping every time I had a contraction, so they did an emergency cesarian and found the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. They made a great decision that saved my daughter’s life, even though a c-section was not in my birth plan (which is a joke by the way, you can have a plan, just make sure it’s flexible). I had a lot of emotional drama because of my cesarian scar in the first year. Where all my jiggly bits used to fall naturally because of gravity, they fell into two zip codes now. I had a hard time feeling beautiful, sexy, and would often try to hide the scar from my husband, and myself when looking in the mirror. My daughter had reflux, causing her to cry the first 16 weeks of her life. Now if that doesn’t sound like a long time, imagine, if you will, locking yourself in a plane next to a screaming infant for four months straight. It would cause anyone to crack. To which you might say, “oh well at least there’s the car where she’ll sleep.” Nope. She screamed non-stop and worse in the car. We timed her once on a road trip to Pueblo. How long can an infant cry non-stop? Two hours and fifteen minutes to be exact. Pure. Hell. Of course there were the snuggle moments, the magic of nursing, the gazing in awe at her beauty, but along with all of those were the moments I understand where the slogan “never, ever, ever shake a baby” comes from. #reallife

Our daughter has what they call “reactive airways.” Can we just call it what it is, please, and stop this P.C. bullshit? She has asthma, and it sucks. I did everything I was supposed to do, I breast-fed her, kept her away from cigarette smoke, and fed her homemade baby food. Goes to show, nothing they get medically is your fault, give yourself some slack. #reallife

I have Ulcerative Colitis, and have a very real fear of ass cancer. Makes that Cards Against Humanity card not as funny to me. #reallife

After extensively researching the best dog breed to raise with a child, we found the perfect dog, one our daughter could grow with for years to come. However, regardless of how long we researched, we found out on the first vet visit our new puppy has a heart defect. After having to explain death to our three year old following our dogs Max and Bailey passing away, the new puppy we got could die at an early age. Thankfully at her last cardiology appointment we were told she has a “normal” life expectancy. Lets hope that means on the long end because she’s incredible and is our daughter’s best friend. #reallife

I could go on and on about our struggles, achievements, and hurdles. The point is, there have been many, and still are. But, I’m guessing you have some yourself. We are still financially strapped, argue sometimes, think parenting has it moments, deal with health issues, and struggle to keep afloat on a daily basis.  Of course we have a healthy, happy marriage, a house we love, an incredible child who is funny, loving and flat out incredible, we own our own business, have many friends, a loving family, and consider ourselves successful, because we are in life and love. Take a look at our grass, isn’t it green? Looks like yours is pretty green too. Guess it doesn’t depend on which side you stand on, it’s all pretty great, but there are a few weeds. Damn this shit is hard. #reallife

Learning to dance in the rain

I am behind the Yellow Wallpaper, scrubbing to break free. (Homage to Charlotte Perkins-Gilman’s The Yellow Wallpaper)

All my life I’ve felt as though I’ve been destined for greatness, so naturally when I met my husband, fell in love and had our daughter I felt as though she was my greatness. Yet there is something more. I know this isn’t it. There’s more. Enter my great friend who recommended I start a blog. A blog, me? Who would ever want to hear my story? Then I thought, maybe I want to hear my story, and if you like it too, then I’ve succeeded on both counts.

I come from heroes. My dad has saved countless lives over his lifetime career in wild land fire and has become the top in his field, even after retirement. My mom single-handedly changed the laws in California nursing homes requiring an RN on the floor at all times in the Alzheimer’s ward. This was after the nursing home we trusted my Papa in neglected and mis-medicated him, causing severe dehydration, and ultimately causing his untimely death. She was even on CBS Evening News, you can read the article here: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/study-finds-unnecessary-drugs-in-nursing-homes/. My Papa served in the Air Force, worked for Lockheed Martin out of Sunnyvale, CA, building satellites, and was a genius I didn’t give him credit for while he was alive. My Granny cooked love into everyone’s hearts, and made a pie that could make you cry.

Coming from such greatness, surely I must become great myself too, right? But how? I’ve done the best thing in my life, she is six now and is the light in the darkness, the rainbow through the clouds, and the funny to my sad. Not that I’m always sad, I’m not manic depressive or anything, but life is hard. It flat out sucks sometimes and thank goodness we have people, big and small in our lives to help us through. So, how does one accomplish what they feel destined to do? They jump unknowingly into the abyss, say a prayer, cross their fingers, and hope for the best. What else would you expect? I, however, started by self-healing. In doing so I have given up alcohol (temporarily, don’t panic), but naturally as one must have a vice, I’ve chosen carbs instead. Now, don’t think I’m some skinny bitch who hates carbs. I’m 5’2″, 150 lbs, but wish to be 5’2″, 120 lbs, but not enough to give up my precious vice to do it. I don’t smoke, I hate pot, and I’m currently a teetotaler, so there’s that.

Recently, I was given the opportunity to do more, my dream job. It literally jumped into my lap, thank goodness because taking that leap into the abyss is something I’ve never been quite great at. What did I do, well I leapt. I went for it. As terrifying as it was, I did it. I have the interview this week. This job could be my career, it could change everything for my family and answer all of our prayers. When I got the request for an interview my first reaction was, of course, to puke. Holy crap. This is really happening. If you pray, pray. If you woo, woo. If you chakra, chakra, because good Lord we need this. I need this. And if not this, then something. Because, after all, I am destined for greatness.